so much grace.

June 16, 2007

Hermanos y hermanas,

Peace and blessings from the Finca! Cassidy and I just returned from dipping our feet in the warm Caribbean, watching one of the most beautiful sunsets I have ever seen … and then dodged a chicken to enter the Finca office to type our emails. Pretty surreal.

Today is Friday, June 15th, and it's hard to believe that our time here is already a fourth over. We've settled into the rhythm of Finca life here pretty quickly, and although this past week has been quite difficult at times, we are learning and growing in pretty amazing ways. I am learning to jump in head-first to this crazy-beautiful adventure, which is full of laughter and pain and hugs and tears and so, so much grace.

Teaching is a daily rollercoaster, and I really struggled with feelings of inadequacy this past week. Being here is immensely humbling, and I constantly question what I'm actually doing here. The language barrier continues to be difficult (pecadores = sinners, pescadores = fish… haha…) but is improving, and I feel myself getting more comfortable speaking and understanding both in and out of the classroom. The kids at the Escuela Catolica de San Pedro (where we teach on the Farm) can be wonderful, but can also be very, very challenging and really know how to give gringa newbie a hard time. I am learning the art of "tough love" in the classroom, but often come home feeling pretty defeated. My challenge is to love them intentionally in spite of and because of it all.

Yesterday morning, I taught a 5thand 6th grade science class on literally two minutes notice (we are learning to be quite flexible as well!). 5th and 6th grade has a reputation as the most difficult class in the school, and as I quickly and anxiously glanced over lesson plans, I prayed that God would be my words and actions for the hour to come. Sixty minutes later, I left the classroom with a smile on my face and only three words in my mind: so much grace. Ridiculous amounts of grace. Beautiful, soul-filling, life-giving grace pouring over me and through me.

I feel this grace tangibly in Holy Hour. Holy Hour is a sacred time on Thursday nights where the entire Finca community gathers for prayer and adoration, and is possibly what I love most about this place. Little voices sing loudly and off-key. Carlitos, one of the Casa 3 boys, falls asleep against the pew. Alex and Sigri clap off-beat. The Casa 5 boys, who think they are oh-so-"suave", genuflect before the Eucharist. And despite what may have happened in school or at dinner, how much Spanish I still can't understand or how empty I may feel… I love them for who they are and who God created them to be. So much grace.

This past week, I felt God's grace as I…
- learned "punta" (the traditional Honduran dance) at one of our boys' quincenaros
- indulged in mango and chocolate "liquados" (smoothies) and a game of MASH with my volunteer community by candlelight to celebrate the life of Claire, one of the most vibrant people I have ever met, during an intense Honduran rainstorm
- got into a bit of a fight with the pila (the system we use to hand-wash our clothes) involving some bleeding of colors… Pila 1, Erin 0.
- prayed the rosary with the boys in Casa 4… totally sacred.
- learned to make tortillas, Spanish rice, and tajadas from scratch
- spent the perfect rainy afternoon in bed with Nouwen's Compassion, a steaming cup of chocolate-hazelnut tea and my beloved journal
- taught kindergarten for a few hours, which included jumping rope, listening to 5-year-old Dajani singing "Danos la paz", and ending the day with "estrellas" (star stickers) and an "abrazo" (hug) from each smiling little ball of energy
- picked up a "perrito" on the way to morning prayer (pre-6 am!) and watched 2-year-old Rosita chase "pollito" (a baby chick) around the Casa 2 kitchen

So much grace.

Thank you all so, so, so much for your encouragement, your affirmation and your prayers… they flow in me and through me, and are passed on to the kids here who need them most, even when I feel empty. Life here challenges me daily, and I am comforted by knowing that I am being lifted up higher and higher to our wonderful God. May you all know His beautiful grace this week and always!

paz y alegria,
Erin